Samineh I Shaheem, Assistant Professor of Psychology, offers the best professional psychological advice and answers your questions regarding wellbeing. Send your questions to: advice@jawhara.me
We have all been there – those uncomfortable topics that need to be discussed but we dread bringing them up. Could it be that you don’t want to face the facts? Are you afraid of the answers? Let’s explore a few of the most common tricky conversations.
The ‘we’re exclusive’ conversation
When deciding on the exclusivity of a particular relationship, it’s better to observe the actions of that individual first rather than have a talk about it. After all, many people can tell you what you want to hear and therefore the exclusivity discussion may be useless if the partner’s behavior doesn’t indicate a certain level of commitment. Here are some of the signs to look for when a person wants to demonstrate exclusivity:
- Begins to disclose personal information about himself and his family
- Spends most of his time with you, even some week nights
- Introduces you to friends and some family members
- Shows interest about making future plans like traveling together
- Doesn’t hide, switch off, or put his phone on silent when around you
- Most of the time answers his phone when you’re not together
- He shows interest in your life and provides support during stressful/difficult times, not just there during fun times
The ‘marriage conversation’
The only man who gets scared off is the man who doesn’t want to get married. If both partners are on the same track with a shared understanding of their present and future expectations, the marriage chat is simply a natural evolution in the relationship. Sometimes, men might have certain fears about taking the big step and those anxieties are likely to be expressed if you have indirect general conversations about marriage. For example, he might say, ‘I don’t know why Mike is getting married, his finance is going to change right after the wedding and then they’ll be miserable!’ Therefore through these general conversations, you can uncover what he might be worried about which is stopping him from proposing.
The ‘baby’ conversation
It is best to discuss this issue before marriage to have at least some measure of how an individual feels about becoming a parent. At times, the person may be adamantly against it and hoping that they will change their mind after marriage can only lead to frustration, sadness and mistrust. Otherwise, when all other variables seem favourable, such as finances, living arrangements, health, age, quality of the relationship, the discussion should be raised in a realistic manner, highlighting all the changes, both good and challenging.
